In fair Verona
Oh my sneaky readers I just can't seem to keep you up to date these days. It's been tough. Just when I was getting settled in Somerville Mr. Shakespeare called and I was off again- back to Lenox again for the summer. This time to act in The Two Gentlemen of Verona- which is one of Shakespeare's earlier comedies.
I am playing Lucetta- the bawdy Maid. I will spare you the drama surrounding that.
I have high hopes for the summer- but- like anything in life things never turn out quite how you plan and now it seems the plans I had for this summer are shifting and changing beneath me almost daily.
I find myself pretty anxious about my life. I had hoped to have more figured out by this point than I do. I suppose pursuing a dream is never easy. But what I think is most difficult is that I find myself continually torn between two. And thus not able to fully commit to either. I simply want both- an ambition that may not be feasible for me right now.
I miss home, yet I have no desire to ever return to Ohio (sorry momma). I miss my family really and my friends more than the place itself. I miss having easy access to the people who love me most. Who support a dream I have that it is very difficult for them to understand at times. Who never ask me to change myself.
You see I find myself needing two very opposite things. An acting career- a way to express myself, theatre, art, etc... and relationships. These two things just do not seem to mesh well. In this art world I have the privilege of meeting a huge variety of amazing people- talented, loving, entertaining, amazing people. And yet the come and go in my life so much that it can be difficult to hold on to any meaningful relationship. I find myself wanting connection in a world that is, by nature, fleeting and disconnected. It can often be a lonely world. And then there exists the imminent fear that if you are lucky enough to make a true, deep connection with someone... the Theatre gods will soon sweep that person off to some far-flung city leaving you with no clue when you will see one another again. So for the sake of ones heart and sanity it is sometimes easier not to let that connection happen at all.
I, however, am not capable of such self protection. Which makes me wonder if this is truly the world I should be making my life in. My heart lives on my sleeve- quite disconcerting to many, but unchangeable since the day I was born.
And so I have two loves- two needs- the ability to express myself through theatre for the sake of my happiness and sanity, and the need to come home at the end of the day to share it with someone and live a few hours a day in semi-normalcy. Companionship really. And I just wish that these things were not so very contrary. Because being so... I may soon feel the need to choose between them. And it is no mystery to me what my choice would have to be. At the end of the day work is just work no matter how fulfilling. Acting is my job.... not who I am. Not true for everyone, but true for me.
But don't worry... not throwing in the towel just yet. Merely musing. Perhaps it will just take a bit of doing to make these two things work together.
In less philosophical news... I am also understudying Lady Capulet in Romeo and Juliet, and two parts in the Education show. I have had a few good auditions in Boston and am hoping to get some work lined up for when I get back in the fall. I am also hoping extra hard that some of my family will be able to make it out here this summer to beautiful Lenox.
Let me know how YOU are!!!
I am playing Lucetta- the bawdy Maid. I will spare you the drama surrounding that.
I have high hopes for the summer- but- like anything in life things never turn out quite how you plan and now it seems the plans I had for this summer are shifting and changing beneath me almost daily.
I find myself pretty anxious about my life. I had hoped to have more figured out by this point than I do. I suppose pursuing a dream is never easy. But what I think is most difficult is that I find myself continually torn between two. And thus not able to fully commit to either. I simply want both- an ambition that may not be feasible for me right now.
I miss home, yet I have no desire to ever return to Ohio (sorry momma). I miss my family really and my friends more than the place itself. I miss having easy access to the people who love me most. Who support a dream I have that it is very difficult for them to understand at times. Who never ask me to change myself.
You see I find myself needing two very opposite things. An acting career- a way to express myself, theatre, art, etc... and relationships. These two things just do not seem to mesh well. In this art world I have the privilege of meeting a huge variety of amazing people- talented, loving, entertaining, amazing people. And yet the come and go in my life so much that it can be difficult to hold on to any meaningful relationship. I find myself wanting connection in a world that is, by nature, fleeting and disconnected. It can often be a lonely world. And then there exists the imminent fear that if you are lucky enough to make a true, deep connection with someone... the Theatre gods will soon sweep that person off to some far-flung city leaving you with no clue when you will see one another again. So for the sake of ones heart and sanity it is sometimes easier not to let that connection happen at all.
I, however, am not capable of such self protection. Which makes me wonder if this is truly the world I should be making my life in. My heart lives on my sleeve- quite disconcerting to many, but unchangeable since the day I was born.
And so I have two loves- two needs- the ability to express myself through theatre for the sake of my happiness and sanity, and the need to come home at the end of the day to share it with someone and live a few hours a day in semi-normalcy. Companionship really. And I just wish that these things were not so very contrary. Because being so... I may soon feel the need to choose between them. And it is no mystery to me what my choice would have to be. At the end of the day work is just work no matter how fulfilling. Acting is my job.... not who I am. Not true for everyone, but true for me.
But don't worry... not throwing in the towel just yet. Merely musing. Perhaps it will just take a bit of doing to make these two things work together.
In less philosophical news... I am also understudying Lady Capulet in Romeo and Juliet, and two parts in the Education show. I have had a few good auditions in Boston and am hoping to get some work lined up for when I get back in the fall. I am also hoping extra hard that some of my family will be able to make it out here this summer to beautiful Lenox.
Let me know how YOU are!!!
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